I puked a lego.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
