So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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