R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
