those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
