he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize