I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
