I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
