So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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