We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
