Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
