I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize