Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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