At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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