i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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