Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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