It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well you can't waste a boner
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
