Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
