they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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