If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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