I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
