i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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