the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize