Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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