dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
