Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
