he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
