i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
