Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
