really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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