I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize