I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
