areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
