I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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