There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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