So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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