last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
