I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
