i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
