i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize