girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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