Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
