It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
