I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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