hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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