Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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