I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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