I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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