The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
