I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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