Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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