Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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