He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize