i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
