that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
