i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
