I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
