The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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