I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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