i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
