Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize