They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
