her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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