he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
