If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
