Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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