my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
