I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
