You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
