Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
