If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
