i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
