I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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