You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
