I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
