You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
