how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
