are you still at the devil's house?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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