Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
