Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
