At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize